January 1, 2011 by Sarojini Seupersad
We have a new governor and he doesn’t hire hookers! Yet! In a small, understated Inaugural today, New York’s new Governor Andrew Cuomo was sworn in at the Capitol Building in Albany. In attendance were his three daughters, his weird, skinny Food Network Stepford girlfriend Sandra “I can’t wait to be First Lady” Lee (who wore a white gown to the private swearing-in ceremony last night – maybe she thought it was another kind of ceremony) and both his parents, one of whom is Mario Cuomo, our former NY Governor. While the current 56th Governor of New York seems optimistic, we all know he’s inheriting a $10 billion budget deficit and more problems than anyone can count. I’m rooting for him, but my expectations are low. In all fairness, the bar hasn’t been set too high lately. Still, I’m optimistic. What choice do I have?
In his speech today, Governor Cuomo explained why the ceremony was small and simple:
“I don’t think a grand or lavish ceremony would be appropriate… When we actually do something and perform and help the people in the state of New York and make government function–then we’re going to have a big party and celebrate. Not before.”
In other words – When we actually do the jobs we are paid to do, get things to a minimally functioning capacity, then and only then will we unnecessarily congratulate ourselves and party. And let’s not kid ourselves, ok? Have you seen my girlfriend? Have you tried her cookies? Yeah, I don’t really need a party. I’m good.
Governor Cuomo recalled his first trip to the Capitol Building and explained the feelings he got from being there. Like, all warm and fuzzy feelings. Like, Gee whiz, I’m going to change the world and all of that stuff. I wish him the best of luck, sure, but if I know NY politics, he’s gonna need more than that. So yeah, we have a new governor. He probably won’t hire a hooker or schmooze for free Yankee tickets, so I guess we’re ahead of the game. For now.
In other news, Carl Paladino still hates gays.