Eating fruits and vegetables is boring and gross. Who wants to chew all of that pectin and nature? That seems like a lot of work, possibly requiring the help of a knife and fork, with very little payoff. I don’t know about you, but I think a jelly donut and a two-liter Pepsi, followed by … Continue reading How To Trick Your Body Into Thinking You Maybe, Possibly, Kinda Ate Something Healthy In The Last Week
In response to my post “The Art of the American Nickname,” I received so many thoughtful, interesting and supportive comments from all over the world. This topic really struck a chord with a lot of people – how they view themselves, their names and their personal identities. I loved that all of you shared your stories … Continue reading So, This Happened…
(I’m listlessly staring off into nowhere, thinking about you.) Hey MTA, It’s Sarojini, but you can call me Suzi (don’t ask). I just wanted to take a moment out of my day to invite YOU to Brooklyn this weekend, with yours truly (I’m currently pointing to my breastplate with my right index finger). So take … Continue reading MTA: I Think I Love You
Y’all know how much I love tv, and like everybody else, I especially love The Office (except for my sister, she hates it, but she’s from another planet). With the approaching departure of Steve Carell’s character from The Office, I’ve been going over great Micheal Scott conversations (problem: they’re all great) with hopes of sharing some … Continue reading Goodbye, Michael.
Sometimes, I’m not so smart. Let me explain. Most of the time, I’m a very nice, friendly sort of person who is empathetic and patient. I say please and thank you. I’m easy to laughter. I’ll start a conversation with nearly anyone, I make eye contact and smile at people, I hold doors open and … Continue reading Leave the Ugly Moments in the Umbrella Stand
As you know, I am an avid Jeopardy! watcher, not a Johnny-come-lately-for-Watson watcher, but a bona fide fan. I watch it every night. Not for Alex Trebek’s shockingly consistent cardboard personality or even to make fun of the lame ‘story time’ with the contestants – You named your dog after your mother-in-law? Hilarious! What a trickster … Continue reading Best Moment in Cat Movie History
When I think of Ken Jennings, which isn’t often (ok, ok, it’s very often), I usually think of him as the all-time longest winner of Jeopardy! – not as a comedian. Because of all of the hoopla over the IBM Watson tournament on Jeopardy! Ken Jennings is everywhere again, and his tweets better be up to snuff, … Continue reading What is “A Nun, A Priest and A Rabbi…?”
The Rejection Show, hosted by Jon Friedman, a writer at Late Night with Jimmy Fallon, is a cult-favorite comedy event that showcases the hilarious professional and personal failures and rejections of comedians, artists and writers. The live comedy series, coupled with music, karaoke and well, a party, will be hosting Special Edition: The Rejection Show’s Valentine’s Day Heartbreak Haven … Continue reading The Rejection Show with Jon Friedman
Settle down. Don’t get too excited and try to stay focused. I know this winter’s been SICK and all of you are cold, pasty, malnourished and sick of watching too-tanned Brad Womack in a steaming hot tub, but you gotta stay with me here. I have some news for you. The world might be coming to an abrupt … Continue reading The Ice Storm Cometh
Sources very close to me (the internet) have divulged that my aching need and desire will be fulfilled very soon. Bill Murray is reportedly reading a “very good” script entitled “Ghostbusters 3.” So many thoughts, so many thoughts are racing through my mind: Rick Moranis possessed by a phantom dog, the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man melting all over midtown and … Continue reading Who ya gonna call?
Heidi Jones, the meteorologist for WABC NY’s local news, or Eyewitness News for the Tri-Staters, is sort of annoying. She has a problem with meter, a strange habit of taking strong pauses every few words, like she’s reciting poetry instead of reporting the weather. Her pauses are so pronounced, my sister and I have nicknamed her Heidi … Continue reading WABC Likes To Hire Crazy People
The deficit is how much? We have a new governor and he doesn’t hire hookers! Yet! In a small, understated Inaugural today, New York’s new Governor Andrew Cuomo was sworn in at the Capitol Building in Albany. In attendance were his three daughters, his weird, skinny Food Network Stepford girlfriend Sandra “I can’t wait to be First Lady” Lee … Continue reading Governor Cuomo: less money, more problems.
Have you seen these two? If you haven’t, consider yourself very lucky. For most of the holiday season, I’ve had to grunt, grind my teeth and bear through these incredibly annoying Hyundai Holiday commercials, over and over and over again. Every commercial break, there they are, on a loop, singing their syrupy, high-pitched versions of holiday … Continue reading Two things I won’t miss about 2010: Pomplamoose.
First of all, I’m not happy I’m home sick on New Years Eve, feeling sorry for myself instead of drinking champagne with my friends and making out with strangers. I really look forward to drunk kissing all year. Second of all, watching tv on New Years Eve is uncomfortable at best. And now that we’re on … Continue reading Dick Clark’s Rockin Eve?
For Christmas this year, I accompanied my friend Heidi to her parent’s home in Sherwood Forest, Maryland. Yes, that’s right. The name of the community is Sherwood Forest, as in Maid Marian and Robin Hood (those are street names, too). We were in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by woods and nature, with no cable news … Continue reading Snowmageddon 2010!
Dear Christie, Please stop getting married. Join a book club, go to Africa or start a clothing line. But for God’s sake, stop getting married. Your friend, Sarojini Continue reading An Open Letter to Christie Brinkley
My very good friend, who shall remain unnamed, got drunk recently at a mutual friend’s party. Not regular, everything-is-funny drunk. No, not that. More like, I’m-going-to-fall-if-you-don’t-hold-me-up kind of drunk. This is a person who can drink me under the table four times over and usually holds liquor well. I should know; I’m usually the only sober one … Continue reading A drunk and Jefferson Street.
I feel sick today. My head is congested and my stomach is upset. I have no appetite. This has me concerned because I always have an appetite. Is it you, Swine flu? Or regular flu? Something I ate? Something I didn’t eat? Who coughed on me? Yeah, I think it’s the Swine Flu. Joe Biden … Continue reading Dear Swine Flu,